#BecauseofRHE

For Lent this year, I decided to wake up early to do morning devotionals with Inspired: Slaying Giants, Walking on Water, and Loving the Bible Again by Rachel Held Evans. I must confess that I was new to the RHE fan club. Some of my dearest friends have always loved her books, but until recently, I hadn’t wanted to read any faith-based work. Like many people who grew up ardently Christian, in my twenties I found myself underwhelmed by a religion that failed to make space for the world I was experiencing. And like many millennial Christians, 2016 made me wonder if I even belonged in the faith anymore, for if Trump was God’s Chosen, I didn’t want to follow that deity.

But recently there arose other voices on the margins who spoke of a different kind of Christianity, and they introduced me to a faith unafraid to wrestle with Scripture, speak truth to power, and invite all to the table. For the first time in years, I was excited to study the Bible again. Inspired immediately resonated with me because Rachel’s story was like my own. In her childhood, Bible Stories filled her with the wonder of oceans parting, food multiplying, and kids triumphing over giants. But somewhere along the way, the Bible became an impossible set of rules to police her behavior. When her doubts were downplayed as a personal fault, she wondered if Scripture was anything more than an ancient text to be analyzed and critiqued, whose problems outweighed any value to our current lives. But what really spoke to me about Inspired was where she is now with Scripture. With candor and creativity, she recounts the Bible stories, providing essential historical context, social justice minded application, and rediscovering the magic that captured her heart in the first place. Rachel celebrated the fact that the Bible stories are as beautiful and complicated as the people who wrote it and the God who inspired them. And most importantly, it’s a story we’re part of still.

I started following her on Twitter, where I received encouragement that my loved ones and I were still welcome at God’s table even if we felt at odds with conservative Evangelicalism. And I began to have audacious dreams. I thought I needed a PhD in theology before I could publish any writing on religion. When I was 18, I thought the greatest calling I could have in God’s Kingdom was to be a mother (not anything I wanted in the immediate future), be a missionary (also didn’t feel right), or be a youth pastor’s wife (now THAT felt achievable for a hot second). I never realized that I could lead people in a religious context. Now here was this woman, preaching and writing and raising a family, and I felt like I’d finally found my Christian role model! If she could do these things, maybe I could too! That filled me with joy and purpose that I hadn’t felt in my faith for several seasons.

And this famous Christian speaker / mother / writer found time to “like” a random Tweet from an excited follower – I gleefully screenshotted that moment and shared it with my friends!

Someday, I told myself as I devoured Inspired, IF she isn’t busy, I would love to speak with her about our shared stories and how to be true followers of Christ. It’s a testament to her author voice that I already felt like I knew her because of the tender vulnerability in her writing. I wanted to be like Rachel, because she reflected so beautifully what it meant to be like Jesus. And yes, this was after a mere 5 weeks of reading her book!

Why did this beacon of hope and love die while the greedy and powerful linger? I barely knew her, not even in person, and I’ve cried about it three times this week. I feel sadness out of compassion for her husband and the two children she left behind – the youngest’s first birthday is next week. There are no words for that kind of loss. She was only 8 years older than me.

I feel sadness for the loss taken by the Christian community. She was doing such important work, and she would have kept winning souls for the Kingdom for years if she’d been given the time.

I feel sadness that I’ll never get to have that cup of coffee with her.

What an absurd way to end Lent! Easter was supposed to be about new life. So what is this, God?? Why did you strike down your own servant?

“And then…”

That’s how Rachel ends Inspired. We have the stories of the Bible and history. Now, what happens next?

And then I read about everyone else who was impacted by her life. Social media can easily become toxic, but it also has the power to create community that was formerly separated by distance. This week, I followed eight more female pastors and writers. I followed progressive Christian groups who are doing the work of the Kingdom. I followed other regular people wrestling and rejoicing in this faith. #BecauseofRHE became a thread connecting a universe of people, amplifying each individual voice into a beautiful chorus. We are still here, and we are inspired.

And then I couldn’t wait to read the rest of her books. Rachel and I still have many hours to spend together.

And then I thought of several new blog ideas, and seriously considered the possibility of publishing a book on them someday. I started to believe that I could maybe, someday lead in my faith in some way.

“And then, and then, and then…”

None of this makes her death or the acute grief of those closest to her any less; it’s just a reminder that the story continues. She left behind a legacy that has made this world and this faith better. Because of her faith, many are finding joy and courage in being true to who God made them to be. Because of her hope, there are millions of other lights kindled who will in turn illuminate their world with the love of Christ. Because of her love, many lost in disillusionment and pain have been welcomed home.

So now I’m going to go watch the newest episode of Game of Thrones (Rachel’s last Tweet was about how she was sad that her hospitalization was going to cause her to miss the new season), and tomorrow, I will keep trying to live as Rachel did, which is to say as Jesus did. And then, I will keep walking on this windy faith journey story and inviting others to join me.

Because of Rachel Held Evans, we are reminded, my friends: we are not alone.